Randomness

Just watched One Week. It was not a bad movie, definitely indie, and definitely that you won't forget within the next 3 hours. As per the movie, out of 10 I'd give it 7, which is in some way generous because there was geographical placement issues. If the big deal is to ride across Canada make sure that you at least get the highway shots right.

I'm lying here in bed, well Becky is busy playing with Picnik, it's really nice to have laptops. I'm feeling a little anxious, and mostly depressed. Which is always frustrating, considering there isn't really a good reason to feel depressed. But frankly, sometimes I feel misunderstood, mistaken, mistreated, well not so much mistreated, but I was trying for alliteration (I can't be serious for more than half a sentence). I need to find some balance, need to find some way of feeling fulfilled, not just half-filled. And I don't want to wait until I only have "one week."

I think that I have more creativity than I am letting out, and I don't know how that makes me feel. Partially, I feel frustrated because I feel constrained, partially kind of glad because I know how fickle creativity can be, and I don't know if I could be that creative every day. Mind you at the same time, maybe I need to be surrounding myself more with things that help me feel creative. I know that when I see the things other people build it helps me feel like I can build too, and maybe I need more of that every day. And maybe too I need some of the routine, and rituals that allow my mind to be free enough to be creative. It's tough because it's not like it is in a book, and if it was, I probably wouldn't believe it. I guess all part of the journey.

So, I need to get things a bit more straight, I need to see life as it is, and change what it isn't. I need to be strong on what I believe, and let other people see that too, and I need to focus on our life (because even though this post is about how I feel, Becky is so much part of me that it's the two of us - and I never needed to ask if I was in love, I always knew). I know this sounds a big angsty, but it's how I feel, and I just needed to get it out. Life all in all is positive, and I just need to keep a look out for those things. I know, I'm a natural cynic, pretty pessimistic, but I'm working on changing that, just like the fact that I drink coffee and listen to country (on occasion) and that someday I'll eat chinese food again and own a motorcycle, I do slowly change, so someday maybe I'll only see the positive.

Boy that was random :-)